L O V E Letter.

Back in the days, love letters were written on fancy stationery and delivered thru snail mail or given directly to loved ones. Some may still practice this style today, as we may call it "the old fashion way". But during this era of technology, love letters evolved from paper to emails or sent via SMS or MMS.

Let me share this love letter I received couple of weeks ago. No matter in what form they may be, love letters still make our hearts skip a beat (cliche yes, but true, right?) and smile the widest thinking of the person who wrote the letter.

As they say "share the love", I am sharing my wonderful experience. Our wonderful story. How this man capture my heart over and over again.

~~~

Random Doodles

Mino Giacomo A. Marimat

April 10, 2012, 8:08 pm

Part I: Illusion

          First of all, let me clarify that this is not me ranting about stuff that we usually argue about.

          In fact, this would be me, opening up a minor part of me entirety. And eventually, this would be a desperate plea; a need for help, for somebody to pull me out of this senseless misery that I have unfortunately developed during the past years before you colored my life.

          Let me begin by acknowledging the first frog - the bigger frog. Sure, it was a first. My first... well,  you know the rest.

          And also, my very first heartbreak.

          The only logical reason: Distance. She couldn't bear the distance, more so that she wanted to focus on her studies, one that I believe I could handle hand in hand, balanced, in harmony. But she couldn't.

          But looking at myself, I do have to admit that I had doubts of my own. Three of us bestfriends were really close, and I couldn't help but bring myself to jealousy whenever they talk to each other, with me looking from a distance. I don't know, I guess it's just me. I might be thinking too much, I told myself.

          Fast-forward to the white pout-frog. We had our ups and downs, especially during the first few months. More so when her parents found out about us. She fought for us, and eventually things were just at peace, like everything was fine even though I was around and our relationship was still obviously there. Her high school graduation came, and the distance between us became even more challenging. Eventually, she went away, and you know why.

          Another logical reason: Distance. She couldn't bear the distance, and with someone wooing her continuously, she couldn't help but appreciate the things that this freak showed her.

          But, again, looking at myself, I do have to admit that I had doubts of my own. With me being miles away from her, and the limitation of the Nokia wizardry allowing us to communicate, there are times when this sheepishly imaginative mind thinks of things unthinkable. Things that I wasn't supposed to think, but then still, my mind worked on its own. The sad part? The breakup seemed to be a confirmation of what the mind can do. It made me feel that, having felt the doubts on two independent events, two heartbreaks, it seemed like whenever I feel something like this, pain would immediately follow.

          Come the biggest frog, and I told myself I learned my lesson this time around. The distance wasn't there... at first. We were together. Day and night. But then, fate really seemed to play around me, making a fool out of myself. My own graduation came, and distance, once again, challenged the rigidity of my heart, the courage in me.

          This time, I was the one who couldn't bear the distance. I got really weak; surrendered my then-future in exchange for the distance. I gave up the chances for my future.

          But then, again, funny how fate really fooled me, as the distance that grew when we were apart seemed to have its effect on her. The butt-of-the-Chinese guy was around when I was not.

          So again, the logical cause: Distance. She couldn't bear the distance, more so that the curiosity in her grew, as how she had put it.

          But then, once again, looking at myself, I had my doubts. The guy bought her off in an online human barter in the cyber world, which she said was nothing, and confirmed to me that it was nothing. So I relented. But then, time came that she was formally introduced to him, further igniting the doubts that was growing in my mind. She said, nah. Time came when the doubts couldn't really control itself and went out of the line, admittedly, breaking the rules of privacy.

          Which seemed to confirm all the thoughts that had consumed up the remaining courage of my weak little self.

          At this point, confusion consumed me.

          I was deluded. I succumbed to the weakest point.

          My weakest point was myself.

          What made me immature was the mind.

          Which brought me to an obviously wrong behavior: Extreme doubt. Extreme jealousy. Extreme hallucinations. Extreme thought.


          Things that were brought to a level which aren't really existent.


          That's all.


Sorry love, I hope you get what I mean. Random thoughts talaga 'to, so walang direction. Point is, masyado na ata akong disoriented. I need to calm myself. I need something. But what? Help me. Take me out of this abyss. :( I'm tired of this disease. :(

End of Part I

Part II: Reality

          So earlier this afternoon... we had a bit of a fight. You know the rest.

          And so you suggested, I should look through our photos together.

          Think of the happiest times that we had.

But I thought of things beyond than those.

I thought of every smile you showed me.

Every trial we shared,

Everytime you offered your shoulder to me, as how I did to you.

Everytime I got sick and you were there.

How I couldn't even pick a spoon, and you fed me,

How we reminisced together,

             Dreamed together,

                        Planned together,

                                    And pushed each other.

How unknowingly, that sweet smile of yours was able to push me to my limits.

          How it kept me going,

          How it strengthened me.

And more importantly, how having you around me

          Have actually been a blessing from the skies.

How you suddenly appeared in front of me, as if God was telling me that

          "This girl have always been the one for you,

                   I just want you to meet at the right time, right place,

                   And have the right self."

How I became really happy nung nakasama na kita,

Nung naging tayo,

Nung minahal mo ako, at nung minahal kita.

Nung nagdecide tayo na magsama habangbuhay,

Na hindi na maghihiwalay,

Na lagi akong nanjan, at ikaw rin sa akin.

Kung paano mo pinaramdam na sa akin ka lang, at sa iyo lang ako.

Kung paano mo ako minahal ng buong buo.

Kung paano ko nakilala ang kabuuan mo,

Ang nakaraan mo,

Ang lahat ng sakit na naramdaman mo,

At kung paano ko naramdaman na ayokong maramdaman mo yun sa akin.

Kung paano ako nagdecide na hinding hindi kita sasaktan.

Hinding hindi kita iiwan.

Lahat yan, pinaramdam mo sa akin.

All those things, weren't just fragment of my imagination.

There were real.

You became real. Your love was real.

And so is mine.

I love you Jan Portia Fullante Castro. Wala na akong ibang mamahalin pa kundi ikaw lang.

Alam ko cheesy, pero yan yung reality eh.

Again, sorry, random doodles lang talaga 'to. Just had to get things out of my system para klaro utak ko.

I love you so much.

~~~

<3