CR.

I had another random thought. I just came from the CR, once again. That's just part of my daily routine. Normal.

C.R.

Comfort Room.

In one of my favorite bars in UPLB, it stands for "Chromosome Reference". Brilliant. XY~XX.

Back in college, I used to write notes in my cellphone, at the dormitory's comfort room. Just random notes of what I felt, experienced, etc. Back then, I said to myself, I always have notes and memories in CRs.

I talk to mother nature (if you get what I mean) for a longer period of time. And I mean everywhere. House. Malls. Office. Terminals. Name it. And if someone comments "tagal naman nung babae sa loob", I'll just shot them back with "kaya nga comfort room eh, nagmamadali kayo?". Whenever I'm having a conversation with mother nature, I have to have something to do. I usually bring something to read, a book or a magazine. I get bored easily so I make sure I have something to fiddle. If I'm in the mood for music, I bring my phone and earphones. Recently, my favorite hobby while conversing with mother nature is playing in my iPod. And it's more addicting especially when you have your Wi-Fi access.

And when talking about CR, I will never forget my dramatic experience back in college. One afternoon, I was in one of my favorite cubicles in our dormitory, reading Noli Me Tangere by Dr. Jose Rizal. During that time, I was at the "darkest phase of the moon" era. (Read my previous blogpost for your reference) I was enjoying my book when suddenly my phone beeped. He texted. That moment, I forgot where I was. I forgot what I was doing. I even forgot I'm on the CR. I just cried and cried and cried. I wept for almost...I can't tell. So much for my happy ending.

Vandalism. Number one in CRs. Right?

I conducted my undergraduate thesis at Biological Science Building at UPLB. Popularly called BioSci. Second floor. Wing A. The ladies room is just around the bend when you reach second floor. I have this, again, favorite cubicle there. The last cubicle. Maybe because it is near the window. Whenever I do my thing there, the scribbles and doodles on the door never fail to make me laugh. How mature people. I really hope they're not from UP but some people may get carried away, be stupid sometimes, got their pens and write everywhere. The notes babble about relationships, "what-to-dos??", wanted textmate and the ever famous "NO VANDALISM".

We all have our CR experiences. Bad. Good. Unforgettable. Unforgivable. Horrifying. So-so. If you think this post is gross, well, you've reach the end part of it so you have no choice. Maybe you won't read it again next time. Unless, just by reading the title, you didn't dare to read the whole note down here. Your choice.

Table tennis.

I was doing my daily routine of opening Google when I saw this picture:

(c) Google July 27, 2012

Today is the opening ceremony of the London 2012 Olympic Games (18 hours to go in Philippine time, to be exact).

I suddenly remembered my elementary days up to secondary. I was an athlete also. Just like them. Though I've spent my sporty days only in school and up to the Congressional meet only. I play table tennis.

My first coach was my father, tatay Dani. He was a very skilled table tennis player. I was amazed that time, well, until now, or the last time I saw him play. How he plays his games before, including semi-trash talks (ha ha!), his stunts, all of them inspired me to play well.

As I said earlier, though I only reached Congressional meet, I very much enjoyed playing table tennis. The adrenaline rush during competition was overwhelming. Nervousness and excitement, the will to win, the feeling of defeat and handshakes from your opponent makes the game more fun. I've got to meet other people from different places. I went to different towns in our province to play. The farthest was in Tagkawayan, Quezon.

Back in college at UPLB, my first PE was table tennis. I did everything (prerog and all) just to have a slot on this course. Yeah, I missed playing. And I enjoyed it, as usual. Felt good to still enjoy your favorite sport even during college. When I joined PAFT Beta (my academic organization when I was still a BS Food Technology stud which stands for Philippine Association of Food Technologists, Inc. Beta Chapter), we have this inter-organization meet in our College (the College of Agriculture) where different organizations compete in various sports like basketball, volleyball and of course, table tennis included. It was pretty fun. I got to face my classmates and play with them. I'm pleased to achieve some colorful gold and silvers and bronzes during my stay as an undergrad.

Once in a while, if I have the chance and when friends invite me to play, I play.

The good news is, my younger sister happens to play also. Guess it runs in the family. :)

Recognize the dark side to love the light.

Where do you draw the line between friendship and flirtation?

This thought came from a happy state. Actually, I am happy now.

You may think I am such a flirt. Yes I was. Before. Everybody is. Don't tell yourself you're not. In one way or another, you were. So never judge. I'm just sharing. I learned a lot from these mistakes and I believe these made me a better person now. Pardon for all the pain and tears and whatever that I've done before. You know who you are.

__________________________________

I guess we all have our "dark eras" in our lives; where we go to this point doing bad things, going places where sin becomes acceptable, experiencing times when you feel like you don't know yourself. There comes the regret part, and then you move on. Promised yourself that you will never go back. Sometimes you go back to that stupidity. The best part is totally moving on, looking back just to laugh at the matter.

You still do this and that, knowing they're wrong. Knowing you may hurt others, you may hurt yourself. You nurse the feeling that the state you're in is your happy place. You consistently tell yourself that this person is the one for you.

Even if you have this guilty feeling inside you, you stay. Even if the happiness you're feeling is temporary, you still wish to stay. Even if you know that the person you're with will leave you anytime, you still cling to this pathetic state.

When I was in this miserable stage, I always find the positive side of where I am then. Even if it's only a tinge, I stayed. And I thought once was enough, it happened again faster than I thought I'm over that BS.

So how do I categorize them? Hmm.

I know someone who befriends someone and make you feel special. No commitments. Just plain "that" (if you know what I mean). He may take you to his ride; go someplace wonderful, share stories, blah blah...then bam! Waste of time, emotion and record (?).

Then there's this guy. Same case, befriends you, make you feel special: no string attached. Persistent. Even if you turn him down a hundred times, he's still there. My guess is that he doesn't have the concept of loyalty and faithfulness to himself. And commitment is very questionable. So once again, waste of time, emotion and record (?).

Too much closeness is bad thing also when you don't know where to draw the line. This guy is close enough to be a boyfriend but of course, no commitment. You both share stories and relate to them, you hang out and dine together; bottomline is you both like each other but not willing to take it to a much higher level of relationship. Again, another waste of time, emotion and record (?).

Can you call a case a special friendship when two people share the same wavelength and understand each other but can't be together because both of them know that they can't be together? Or is it just a one-sided relationship? One likes the other so much that she or he is willing to be with that person even though the other person doesn't want to be committed. And the incredible part is they are able to maintain their normal friendship after THAT special one.  This case, for me, is not a waste of time and emotion because they're still friends.

I call this the "darkest side of the moon" because this phase is the worst. Worst being able to suffer years of knowing and clinging to a person that you thought would be your last but unfortunately turned out to be the biggest ahole there is. Sounds bitter, yes. If bitterness can describe how much you loath that person, how that person wasted your time and your precious feelings, I say it's okay. The biggest mistake one can ever make is when you give all yourself to that person who can never show you as his to the world. One who loves and genuinely cares can introduce you to every entity and proudly call you "his". Why throw your precious heart to someone who can't even hold your hand in public, can't kiss you in front of his friends, or even a simple introduction to his family? The most pathetic part of this scenario  is the part where you still hoped that he is the one you'll spend the rest of your life with. That part of you that still hoped he will have that courage to show the world who you are. Reality check - you've met the worst guy in the world. Enough said, you've wasted your time, emotion and record!

___________________________________

That's just recalling. Bitterness gone. When you meet that special person whom you can share your heart and soul and mind, all these BS would be rubbish. Cliche but true. Again.

And that special person deserves a different slate. Not with these fools. So I will be writing again, soon. :)

~P

100 something. If you're bored, go ahead and read this. ;)

I grabbed this 'survey' from Zyla Monica because: first, I haven't posted anything since April 30; second, I'm quite bored; and third, I miss answering this kind of surveys, remembering the early days of Facebook.

1. Real name: Jan Portia Fullante Castro

*my father's name is Danilo nicknamed Dan, my hunch is, Jan came from Dan. Portia came from Webster dictionary. ;)

2. Nickname(s): Portia - my common nick

*Jan - you can count on your fingers how many call me this

JP - Mino's twin, Vito, call me this nick and also my HUM1 prof, sir Dennis
Porky/Porkchop/Porkychops - most of my orgmates in PAFT Beta call me these names
Tia - my tatay Dan call me this
Porti-A - mu kuyas from Men's Dorm in UPLB call me this
Jeka - my first nickname. This nick came from Kamla Jean: my suppose-to-be name suggested by my grandmother. My teachers in high school, relatives and ORBSIS are the ones who use this nick.

3. Zodiac sign: Virgo

4. Male or female: Female

5. Elementary: Alabat Central Elementary School

6. Middle School: none

7. High School: Alabat Island National High School

8. Hair color: Hazelnut brown

*according to some hair dresser somewhere in Laguna

9. Long or short: or? haha! Not yet long..going there!

10. Loud or Quiet: Loud!

11. Sweats or Jeans: Jeans

12. Phone or Camera: Phone. Or both.

13. Health freak: Not so. Sometimes.

14. Drink or Smoke?: Mostly, drink. I used to smoke back in college during drinking sessions.

15. Do you have a crush on someone?: Yes. Mino knows. ;)

16. Eat or Drink: Both

17. Piercings?: Ears. The regular ones.

18. Tattoos: None. So far.

HAVE YOU EVER?

19. Been in an airplane: Yes

*And I enjoy it everytime.

20. Been on a motorcycle: Yes

21. Been in a car accident: Never. Hopefully not.

22. Been in a fist fight: Of course. haha! With my younger siblings, back in the days.

FIRSTS:

23. First piercing: Just the regular ones.

24. First best friend: Arianne Tarranco. Classmate since birth and neighbor! haha

25. First award: Third Honorable Mention. Kinder 2. That's as far as I can remember.

26. First crush: Patrick Garcia. Hello Jen. :))

28. First big vacation: Alabat. :)

LASTS:

29. Last person you talked to: Mino

30. Last person you texted: Mino

31. Last person you watched a movie with: Mino

32. Last food you ate: Pansit and pandesal and kwek-kwek for merienda. Yap. Masarap ako kumain.

33. Last movie you watched: Abraham Lincoln. The Vampire Hunter. Great watch! :)

34. Last song you listened to: Payphone - Maroon 5

35. Last thing you bought: Kwek-kwek

36. Last person you held hands with: Mino

FAVES:

37. Food: Asian & Italian

38. Drinks: Lemonade, Red Iced Tea, Beer (yes, I love beer!)

39. Clothing: Shirts and jeans

40. Books: Rowling's, Meyer's, Patterson's, Collin's

41. Music: R&B, Pop, Pop/Rock

42. Flower: Red roses

44. Movies: Hmm. (see Books minus Patterson's) movies. haha! Troy, Finding Nemo, Transformers, White Chicks, Eurotrip, many more.

45. Positions: :))

46. Subjects: Astronomy and parts of Biology. Interested in Taxonomy.

IN 2011.....

47. kissed in the snow: I wish

48. celebrated Halloween: So-so day

49. had your heart broken: Never been complete. <3

50. went over the minutes on your cell phone: didn't catch this honestly. ;)

51. someone questioned your sexual orientation: Yes! My boss. She thought I was "tomboy". Great. :))

52. came out of the closet: No

53. gotten pregnant: Hell NO

54. had an abortion: definitely NOT

55. done something you've regretted: None

56. broke a promise: Can't remember

57. hid a secret: Yes

58. pretended to be happy: Yes

59. met someone who changed your life: Yes

60. pretended to be sick: No

61. left the country: I wish. haha!

62. tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it: Yes. Eating fried eggplant with bagoong.

63. cried over the silliest thing: like watching same old movie and cry again (for the nth time)?

64. ran a mile: Not yet. My goal.

65. went to the beach with your best friend(s): Yes. I consider my family as best friends also. :)

66. stay single the whole year: I've been "double" for the past two years. :))

CURRENTLY:

67. Eating: No

68. Drinking: Yes. Water.

69. I'm about to reply: None at the moment

70. Listening to: The phone ringing from Corn program and the usual chatter around me.

71. Plans for today: Help my parents with something and sleep some more.

72. Waiting for: Mino to come back from Benguet. ;)

YOUR FUTURE:

73. Want kids?: Yes. Twins please? ;)

74. Want to get married?: Yes of course.

75. Careers in mind: have that "Senior" attached to my current position. And be a happy mom.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH A GIRL?

76. Lips or eyes: Eyes

77. Shorter or taller?: Shorter

78. Romantic or spontaneous: Both!

79. Nice stomach or nice arms: Nice arms

80. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive

81. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship, always.

82. Trouble-maker or hesitant: Neither

HAVE YOU EVER:

83. Lost glasses/contacts: No

84. Ran away from home: Muntik na! When I was in third grade. Napagalitan ni mudra, nag-alsa balutan, napagalitan lalo. :))

85. Hold a gun/knife for self defense: No

86. Killed somebody: If looks can kill, I think I'm in jail now.

87. Broken someone's heart: Unfortunately, yes.

88. Been arrested: No

89. Cried when someone died: Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

90. Yourself: Yes!

91. Miracles: Yes

92. Love at first sight: No

93. Heaven: Yes

94. Santa Claus: When I was a kid, yes. Right now, I believe in myself. ;)

95. Sex on the first date: Not a good idea.

96. Kiss on the first date: It depends. haha! Sa cheeks pwede pa.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

97. Is there one person you want to be with right now?: Mino umuwi ka naaa! :D

98. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life?: Yes. :)

99. Do you believe in God: Heavenly YES.

100. Post as 100 truths and tag 15 people: Tag yourselves. :))

~P