Where do you draw the line between friendship and flirtation?
This thought came from a happy state. Actually, I am happy now.
You may think I am such a flirt. Yes I was. Before. Everybody is. Don't tell yourself you're not. In one way or another, you were. So never judge. I'm just sharing. I learned a lot from these mistakes and I believe these made me a better person now. Pardon for all the pain and tears and whatever that I've done before. You know who you are.
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I guess we all have our "dark eras" in our lives; where we go to this point doing bad things, going places where sin becomes acceptable, experiencing times when you feel like you don't know yourself. There comes the regret part, and then you move on. Promised yourself that you will never go back. Sometimes you go back to that stupidity. The best part is totally moving on, looking back just to laugh at the matter.
You still do this and that, knowing they're wrong. Knowing you may hurt others, you may hurt yourself. You nurse the feeling that the state you're in is your happy place. You consistently tell yourself that this person is the one for you.
Even if you have this guilty feeling inside you, you stay. Even if the happiness you're feeling is temporary, you still wish to stay. Even if you know that the person you're with will leave you anytime, you still cling to this pathetic state.
When I was in this miserable stage, I always find the positive side of where I am then. Even if it's only a tinge, I stayed. And I thought once was enough, it happened again faster than I thought I'm over that BS.
So how do I categorize them? Hmm.
I know someone who befriends someone and make you feel special. No commitments. Just plain "that" (if you know what I mean). He may take you to his ride; go someplace wonderful, share stories, blah blah...then bam! Waste of time, emotion and record (?).
Then there's this guy. Same case, befriends you, make you feel special: no string attached. Persistent. Even if you turn him down a hundred times, he's still there. My guess is that he doesn't have the concept of loyalty and faithfulness to himself. And commitment is very questionable. So once again, waste of time, emotion and record (?).
Too much closeness is bad thing also when you don't know where to draw the line. This guy is close enough to be a boyfriend but of course, no commitment. You both share stories and relate to them, you hang out and dine together; bottomline is you both like each other but not willing to take it to a much higher level of relationship. Again, another waste of time, emotion and record (?).
Can you call a case a special friendship when two people share the same wavelength and understand each other but can't be together because both of them know that they can't be together? Or is it just a one-sided relationship? One likes the other so much that she or he is willing to be with that person even though the other person doesn't want to be committed. And the incredible part is they are able to maintain their normal friendship after THAT special one. This case, for me, is not a waste of time and emotion because they're still friends.
I call this the "darkest side of the moon" because this phase is the worst. Worst being able to suffer years of knowing and clinging to a person that you thought would be your last but unfortunately turned out to be the biggest ahole there is. Sounds bitter, yes. If bitterness can describe how much you loath that person, how that person wasted your time and your precious feelings, I say it's okay. The biggest mistake one can ever make is when you give all yourself to that person who can never show you as his to the world. One who loves and genuinely cares can introduce you to every entity and proudly call you "his". Why throw your precious heart to someone who can't even hold your hand in public, can't kiss you in front of his friends, or even a simple introduction to his family? The most pathetic part of this scenario is the part where you still hoped that he is the one you'll spend the rest of your life with. That part of you that still hoped he will have that courage to show the world who you are. Reality check - you've met the worst guy in the world. Enough said, you've wasted your time, emotion and record!
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That's just recalling. Bitterness gone. When you meet that special person whom you can share your heart and soul and mind, all these BS would be rubbish. Cliche but true. Again.
And that special person deserves a different slate. Not with these fools. So I will be writing again, soon. :)
~P
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